Mom criticizes 16-year-old son for celebrating Christmas and accepting gifts from his paternal grandparents after they excluded his step-siblings and half-siblings: 'I told her I wasn't missing Christmas with my family'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 24, 2024 6:00 PM EST

I hate reading about situations where a child is stuck in the middle of adult problems. It is common to use children as bargaining chips in conflicts that have nothing to do with them, especially regarding visitation rights and blended families that they never asked to be born into. This makes it easy for children to internalize and worry about problems they didn't cause and couldn't solve, even if they supposedly did "everything right." 

The teenager in this story is stuck between a rock and a hard place regarding the conflicts his mom is having with her late husband's parents. They had a blowout fight shortly after he passed, and she tried to prevent them from ever seeing their grandchildren again. The grandparents won partial custody (and by that, I mean one day of custody a month), and now the mom is singing a different tune about their involvement. 

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  • 01
    ove all else else a
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for having Christmas at my grandparents house and accepting gifts from them when they won't include my step and half siblings?
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 03
    A few months after my dad di d my mom and his family had a big fight. I (16M) was 5 when dad di d and my sister (19F) was 8. Our dad's family were cut off from us and we only got to see them again when they took my mom to court and my grandparents were awarded grandparents visitation rights.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 04
    That meant we got to call them at least once a week and see them for 10 daylight hours a month and one sleepover a month. They also got the weekend before or after Christmas to celebrate with us.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 05
    My mom hated it and when she remarried she tried to get my stepdad to adopt us so she could cut them off again. But we didn't want to be adopted and mom's lawyers told her the adoption wouldn't stop the rights for grandparents rights. Luckily we never got adopted by our stepdad and we still got to see our dad's family.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 06
    My stepdad had two kids when he married my mom and together they had two more. My stepsiblings mom did and she had no family she was close to so it was just them. My mom isn't really close to anyone in her family. She sometimes talks to her sister and that's it. My stepdad's family isn't ever talked about so IDK about them.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 07
    That means me and my sister were the only ones to have more. family in dad's side. And my mom and stepdad resented the fact my dad's family never included our step and half siblings. My stepsiblings gave us a hard time for years about it and my sister would always tell them they weren't family to our dad's family
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 08
    and they wouldn't be treated like it just because. For years that was a really big issue at home. It never made us hate our dad's family or see them as wrong or bad people.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 09
    My mom and stepdad were extra ped off when my grandparents started helping my sister through college and they've given her a lot of money since she moved out. Mom ended up asking about the rest of us and my grandparents said they'd do the same for me but they wouldn't do it for kids who aren't their
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 10
    grandkids. There's a lot of anger because of that. It's not the first thing like this. In 2020 our grandparents got us laptops for school. If ever field trips couldn't be paid for they paid for us.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 11
    My mom and stepdad had a lot of money issues this year. My mom asked my grandparents to include all the kids in Christmas this year and get something for my step and half siblings too, so me and my sister weren't totally better off. My grandparents said no and they are not doing a thing for our step and half siblings.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880

  • This is something I will never understand. Why would you get angry that a family member is helping your kid so they don't struggle? I get that it can wound your ego if you can't provide for them fully, but can't they put that aside and see the good that it brings? It's rare for any parent to be the only person to ever financially support their kids. 

  • 12
    When my mom realized they were serious she told me I should skip Christmas over there and stand by the fact I want us all included. I told her I wasn't missing Christmas with my family because she can't accept my step and half siblings aren't their family. Mom tried to get at my sister too. But we went anyway.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 13
    Mom found photos from our time there on social media and she was angry about how much we got. I always kept that stuff at my grandparents because I'd be forced to share or whatever. That's not a big deal for me. But my mom is still angry that I accepted so many gifts and went in the first place. She said I should feel like standing up for all my siblings and making sure nobody is left out. AITA?
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 14
    SummerTimeRedSea NTA the audacity your mother has... she tried to forbbid them to see you and now she wants them to pays for children that are not even related to them ??? Why sont you move into your grand-parents home? Your mother is useless
    via u/SummerTimeRedSea
  • 15
    AuggieNorth He's 16, so two more years until he can live whereever he wants to.
    via u/AuggieNorth
  • 16
    Foreign_Host_9880 OP My mom wouldn't agree to it. There are times I wish I could leave and go live with them but I'd rather stay and not make more issues for us. I can move out in less than two years without all the extra stuff.
    via u/Foreign_Host_9880
  • 17
    CardCarryingCutAward It's clear that your mom has unresolved issues with your dad's side of the family, and unfortunately, she's using you as a in those conflicts. You're right to enjoy the time with your grandparents who have supported you over the years.
    via u/CardCarryingCutAward
  • 18
    Frove19351a Honestly! his mom should be focusing on resolving her own issues instead of expecting him to pick sides. He is 16, and shouldn't be guilted into making adult decisions about family.
    via u/Frove19351a
  • 19
    ilr67i25 It like his mom is more upset about the money and benefits his grandparents are giving him rather than the actual inclusion of his step and half-siblings. OP can't control how his mom feels, and he shouldn't feel guilty for accepting kindness from his dad's family.
    via u/ilr67i25
  • 20
    Dizzy_Fee_4515 I get where you're coming from, but your mom's gotta chill. It's not your fault your grandparents don't wanna include your step and half siblings. You're just trying to enjoy Christmas with the family you've got. Sometimes, it's better to let things be instead of getting caught up in all the drama. You didn't do anything wrong, you're just living your life.
    via u/Dizzy_Fee_4515
  • 21
    cataphractbeaver NTA. Grandparents care about you because you are their bl d relative. Your step siblings aren't and they choose to treat them as such. No issues here except your mother and step father who has unrealistic expectations.
    via u/cataphractbeaver
  • 22
    Haticefashion Your grandparents are your family, and they have every right to treat their biological grandchildren however they see fit. It's clear that your mom is trying to manipulate you into siding with her.
    via u/Haticefashion
  • 23
    Fire_or_water_kai Your mom went from giving your grandparents h_[for trying to see you, to giving them h_l for not giving to her kids. Obviously, we don't know the whole story, but she seems like a lot, and she seems entitled and spiteful.
    via u/Fire_or_water_kai
  • 24
    I personally would have a hard time creating a relationship with those kids, given how your mom behaved, and i get your grandparents keeping their distance. You don't have to give up seeing your grandparents or receiving their gifts. NTA
    via u/Fire_or_water_kai
  • 25
    2dogslife Yeah, as a grandparent, with a legal history in order to maintain a relationship with my grandchildren because of whatever, I wouldn't be looking to build a relationship with OP's Mom beyond what's absolutely needed by way of communication to arrange Court Ordered calls and visits. You burn bridges like that, don't expect rainbows and flowers in answer.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 26
    Buttered_Crumpet09 NTA. Your mum had wildly inappropriate ideas of how things should work. First, she decided to cut you off from your grandparents for no good reason, meaning that they lost their son and his children, their grandchildren, in a very short time. That was so wrong, and it would have hurt you and your sister, but she only cared about her feelings.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
  • 27
    Second, after your grandparents make sure they can keep you in their lives, she then decides that actually, she wants them all the way in, and that means them taking on your step- and half-siblings. Now, if they are so horrendous that she just had to keep them away from you, why would she want them anywhere near your step and half-siblings? Could it be that your mum decided that if she couldn't get rid of them, she could at least use them how she wanted to? Again, there's no consideration to you
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
  • 28
    Third, now she's struggling, she wants your grandparents to pay for gifts for her step and other kids, and when told no, she demands that you miss out on gifts and time with your family. is wrong with her? She really thinks that you should have less and miss out in solidarity? She should be grateful that you have a family to provide gifts and spend that time with you, but nope. It's still all about her feelings.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
  • 29
    You and your sister lost your dad, and I'm sorry for that, and since then, your mother has only prioritised herself and her new family. Not once has she considered anything else except what she wants and how she thinks things should be, and it's honestly disgusting. She wants to take more family from you and for you to miss out because she's not getting her way. She should be ashamed of herself, this is not how a mother is supposed to behave.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09

  • Because this story is from the kid's perspective, we have no idea if the mom initially cut off the grandparents for valid reasons. From this vantage point, it looks like she did it for no good reason, but we have no way of knowing that. 

  • 30
    Spoedi-Probes NTA Your Mom should have tried to heal the rift instead of widening it. She decided to cause the problems and it is she who should have been adult enough to have foreseen the problems that are now occuring. Your Grandparents and Mom's fight is not your fight.
    via u/Spoedi-Probes
  • 31
    UnusualPotato1515 This! Who knows maybe the grandparents would have been more welcoming to the steps & halfsiblings if mum wasnt such an entitled b 1.
    via u/UnusualPotato1515

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christmas family drama gifts presents mother christmas gifts grandma christmas presents Grandpa family grandparents stepdad daughter mom money son
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